#Dating at 23 Is Hard: Real Talk on Boundaries and Clarity

Dating at 23 is that weird middle ground.

I’m grown… but I’m still becoming.
I know what I want… but I’m also learning what I’m not about to keep tolerating.

And if you’re in the dating at 23 trenches, you already know the struggle isn’t even “meeting people.”

It’s meeting people who can be real, consistent, and not act like a simple conversation is a whole trap.

Table of Contents

Introduction

I’m not writing this like I got dating “figured out.”

I’m writing this as somebody who’s been in the:

• “we cool”
• “we basically together”
• “so what are we?”

…just to realize they meant nothing the whole time.

And before anybody comes in here with “it’ll happen when you least expect it”…

Please don’t.

I’m trying to live in reality, not in recycled quotes.

ℹ️ Info If modern dating got you feeling confused like it’s a feature… you’re not imagining it.
Vague is the new “safe.”

Dating at 23 means everybody want vibes, nobody want words

This part takes me out every time:

People want the comfort of a relationship…
without the responsibility of calling it what it is.

Like we texting every day.
We linking.
We doing couple-coded stuff.

But the second I ask, “So what are we building?” it’s:

“I’m just going with the flow.”

Flow to where?

Flow to me wasting my time?

And I don’t even think everybody is evil.

I think a lot of people are scared.

Scared to choose wrong.
Scared to look “soft.”
Scared to be the one who cares more.

But when somebody stays vague…

I’m the one doing the math.
I’m the one overthinking.
I’m the one holding the weight.

And I’m not doing that anymore.

Situationship culture is basically “don’t ask me nothing”

Situationship culture really just feels like a loophole.

A safe little hiding spot for people who want access… without responsibility.

• They want you close, but not too close.
• They want loyalty, but not labels.
• They want your time, but not accountability.
• They want the benefits, but none of the pressure.

Then the moment you ask for clarity, now you “doing too much.”

Nah.

Wanting clarity is normal.
Wanting consistency is normal.
Wanting to know where you stand is normal.

⚠️ Warning If you’re constantly confused, that’s information.
Confusion isn’t romance, it’s a warning label.

Mixed signals will have you paying emotional rent

Rejection hurts, but it’s clean.

It stings… but at least you can move on.

Mixed signals?

Mixed signals will have you stuck in a loop like bad WiFi.

They want you… but only when it’s convenient.
They miss you… but disappear for days.
They “not ready”… but still want you acting loyal.

That’s how you end up staring at your phone like it owes you closure.

I had to start saying it with my chest:

Inconsistency is an answer.

Not a “maybe.”
Not a “give it time.”
Not a “they’re just busy.”

An answer.

Clear vs vague (how it feels in real life)

If I’m always guessing, I’m already tired.

And if I’m already tired…

What are we doing?

Dating at 23 is also hard because money + time be real

Nobody wants to say it out loud, so I will:

Dating costs money.

Even “simple” dating costs money.

And at 23, everybody’s life setup is different.

• some people working full-time
• some people in school
• some people “working” but still broke (relatable)
• some people got roommates
• some people live at home and gotta move lowkey

So planning dates can get awkward fast.

You don’t want to look cheap…
but you also don’t want to go broke trying to impress somebody who might switch up on Tuesday.

I’m not saying love is about money.

I’m saying the real world exists…
and pretending it doesn’t is how people end up stressed and resentful.

What’s helped me (without being corny)

I’m not about to hit you with a “10 steps to find your soulmate” list.

Relax.

What helped me is moving like my time matters.

Not in an ego way.
In a I’m a whole person way.

My non-corny checklist

• I watch actions, not potential
• I stop making excuses for inconsistency
• I ask direct questions earlier
• I leave faster when it’s clearly not aligned (still learning)

When I need to be clear, I keep it simple:

||“I’m feeling you, but I don’t do guessing games.
If you want casual, say that.
If you want to build, say that.
If you don’t know, cool, but I’m not staying in limbo.”||

And yeah… when you start being clear, some people will disappear.

That’s not a loss.

That’s the filter working.

✅ Success Clarity doesn’t scare the right person.
It just exposes the wrong one.

Click to expand: my quick “is this worth my energy?” test

I ask myself:

• Do I feel calm after talking to them… or drained?
• Are their actions consistent… or do I keep making excuses?
• If my best friend told me this story, would I be like “nah, stand up”?

If it’s giving “I’m always confused,” I stop forcing it.

Also: I started treating “low effort” like the red flag it is.

Not because I’m entitled…

But because I’m done paying emotional rent in places I don’t even live.

Closing

Dating at 23 is hard because everybody is half-healed, half-distracted, and trying to look unbothered…

…while still wanting real connection.

So if you been feeling like it’s you?

It’s not just you.

The whole scene can be chaotic.

But you don’t have to accept anything just because it’s common.

You can want clarity.
You can want effort.
You can want something that actually feels steady.

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Thanks for reading! Contact me or explore more posts.
– Melvin